Thought All Day About This Blog Post And How My Life Was Affected Forever

Thought All Day About This Blog Post And How My Life Was Affected Forever

Since I started sharing my life about the birth mother & her daughter I started having those memories I really wish that never happened to me but there is no changing what was allowed to happen to me all I can do is speak out loud and pray another mother protects her child or children. I definitely believe the grooming started in Colorado with the stepfather. The birth mother allowed him to film me in the shower as a young girl 4- years old she wasn’t even married to him at that time. When I saw the 8MM film that I had NEVER seen I was sick to my stomach they both were laughing all while I had my hands on my face. How does a mother allow a grown man to film your 4-year-old daughter nude from head to toe? Then some more was in that film that really was suggestive behaviors while he was filming. Now what is sad is I ended up being a victim of his molestation repeatedly. I have so many photos of me that I hate that the birth mother took of me because they just throw me back to that time when the birth mother called me a liar and that it wasn’t happening to me. This photo really hits me harder I look in her face and want to help her!

Can you imagine your birth mother not believing you and believing an ER doctor who said nope she has never been touched vaginally? The stepfather was smart about that part so he wouldn’t get caught. I mean groping, and fondling is still sexual abuse no matter how many times you try and sugarcoat it! I used to hate when it was bedtime because the minute the birth mother would be asleep he would come into my room at night and tell me I was going to do what he said or he would make sure I got punished for things he would make up. Then there were times when the birth mother went to town and left me he would make sure Jaime was busy and would tell her he needed to talk to me and the abuse happened then sometimes in the daytime when she would leave me there even though she knew he was abusing me and I tried to tell but she didn’t care. Even writing this my stomach is in knots!!! There came a couple of times I refused and he made sure I paid the price for it he made me stand outside in the cold with a pair of shorts, a short-sleeved shirt, no shoes, no socks, and no jacket until the birth mother came home! Now he told her a lie but I told him NO and I wish I had my real father to make him stop and he said well he didn’t want you either!! My childhood was stripped from me all because the birth mother allowed her husband to continue sexually abusing me because she didn’t want to lose her money train with him! This photo turns my stomach because the whole time he would sexually abuse me those DAMN CURTIANS with the BARNS on them trying to wish he was done with his business and leave me alone those CURTIANS I wish I could BURN THEM!!!!! Looks like the happy photos it was my birthday of course the birth mother had to take it to show oh you had a perfect childhood you got everything you wanted and went on trips seriously! I didn’t grow up poor but I wish I had because maybe I wouldn’t have had someone sexually abusing me!

What happened to me as a child should have NEVER happened! I went through therapy because what he had done impacted both of my marriages! I have always been ashamed of my body because unless you have been sexually abused you don’t have any idea what it does to a child! It strips them of their identity and confidence in growing up to be a strong woman!  The sexual abuse went all the way to the point I got married at 16 years old to escape it. Between the birth mother always dumping my siblings on me and him sexually abusing me I was over it! Once I left I didn’t go back home. I don’t understand how a birth mother can ignore her child telling her what was happening to her! Well, my birth mother did just that she definitely doesn’t get the Mother of the Year award. Like I said in the last blog he sexually abused my sister Jaime also. Yes, indeed it’s true I had no idea until 1998 when Jaime would drive from N.C. to visit us and stay with me. One time during her stay she and I talked about what happened to me and she told me her dad did it to her also she cried because she loved her dad and how could he do that to me and her!  Jaime loved her dad but we knew what he had done was wrong!  

This photo was the same day December 24th. Can’t tell you how many times the stepfather said he could take that stereo if I didn’t do what he said with his sexual abuse. I can hear the birth mother about this post but how after 45 years is it still the same thing I have said from day one? I have not changed my story I’ve only started sharing the details because I’m hoping every GOOD MOTHER will protect their children from people who sexually abuse them. I have literally opened this up for the whole world to see and at this point, I have nothing to be ashamed of it wasn’t my fault it was my stepfather’s fault. For most of my life, I have been victim-shamed by the birth mother & her daughter about this very subject. I refuse to remain silent about it if I can help another person with me talking about what happened to me then so be it.  The biggest issue is the birth mother didn’t want her business out there for the whole world to read oh well is all I have to say to her! The way I look at it is it didn’t happen to her as a child or ruin her childhood. 

I really wish the birth mother would cut the BS! Every day the birth mother & daughter will post stupid jabs at me and my family.  The funny thing about it is they go to my Facebook and read what I post and click on the blog link to read my post all while playing victims and saying we are trolling them but I literally paid $119 for the tracer to prove they do this. This tracer shows a lot of information more than I thought it would. Like I said I work and make my own money! With everything that has happened with the birth mother, I have to say this was the final chance of allowing her back into my family.  Yesterday the birth mother made a comment about UNFAMILY but she didn’t make the decision I did for my family. If I had only listened to my daughters because they literally kept warning me about her but I tried to give her that chance and look what she did again. The thing about it is she has done this to me with my first marriage and my EX husband didn’t take crap off of her. Then she tried to control when I went into labor with my first daughter she showed her rear end because she wasn’t going into the delivery room like she thought but ended up being made to leave the hospital by security. It didn’t end there either because after my baby was born she continued to call the room and she took that joy ness from me to be excited being a new momma. I was so upset she called so many times till my daughter’s father was on the phone with her. I have the photos of my Ex on the phone with her and he wasn’t happy either. So many people knew how she was then too because she showed her true colors. I’ve put my foot in that door so many times with the birth mother till I finally decided that I was tired of my foot hurting from slamming that door on it. The door is shut and sealed I never want anything to do with her ever again. Believe it or not, everything she says in her posts now she literally has said for 40+ years. She always comes up with so many lies about money and usually, she is trying to cover her money spending issues up so she will blame it on others like me being the easy target of her blame game. She did this very same thing with her last husband and she literally tried to take him to the cleaners and he was a good guy. She is always spending money on nonsense or buying crap for that daughter & grandson but always covered her spending and blamed it on me like she did in the past. I will be posting those emails showing the very same thing how she said all this money she supposedly had given. I just want to show the pattern of how the birth mother is a manipulator and liar. 

I swore I would never be like the birth mother ever! I tell my children I love them all the time because that was something that the birth mother never told me or my sister Jaime. My sister Jaime was the brave one to tell the birth mother she never told us she loved us or hugged us. The birth mother set me and Jaime up as a mother because we both had to make sure to hug our children and tell them we loved them. It took me some time when I first had my daughter because I wasn’t taught that from the birth mother so I had to push myself to do that so my children wouldn’t grow up feeling like I did as a child.  I felt so unloved as a child I used to think my real mother would come and rescue me true story. Horrible feeling growing up with no real father and always wondering if the woman who was raising you was your real mother! I used to think my real birth mother would come and get me but she never did. I wish the birth mother had given me up for adoption because I feel like I would have had a better chance in life and would have had a normal childhood. I have often wondered why she kept me because I wasn’t a meal ticket. After all, my birth father wasn’t paying child support so I know that wasn’t the reason. Then growing up she would throw jabs she had to struggle going to college with me. Well first of all I didn’t ask to be born you made that choice when you laid down and slept with my birth father. You should have thought about not having children if you were simply going to say they caused you to struggle in college! It has always been about the birth mother I mean she up and walked away from her two sons who were babies to run off with another man with a little girl in tow. As a mother I can’t imagine leaving my babies even though they were with their dad and stepmom (MOM) they were in better hands than I was. But my point is I could not have done that to my babies HELL NO! But she didn’t stop there she moved from Nebraska to several other states then finally ending in South Carolina far from her two babies. But she kept trying to interfere with them growing up but it was a little too late to be the mother of the year she created damage for them by even trying to get involved with them. My brother Jason I do believe he wanted her attention so bad but she didn’t give him the attention he wanted and needed as a baby. My other brother, I’m really not sure how he feels I pray he doesn’t get involved with her because she will set him up like she has done Jason by making promises she can’t and won’t keep. Anyone that comes in contact with the birth mother only causes them more pain and heartaches and no one should ever have to go through that.

I’ll post another blog post tomorrow…

Disclaimer: I was not compensated for this post. However, I received a free product(s) in exchange for my honest review.  All opinions expressed in my blog or review are 100% of Laurali’s Blog