I Was A Child That No One Wanted

As a child I never felt loved or wanted. When I was 10 years old I use to ask God to help me find my real mother so she would come get me from the HELL I was enduring! As time went on that feeling never changed thinking my real mother would find me and would protect me from the sexual abuse I endured by the hands of her Ex-husband from the time I was 4 years old to 15 years old!

I never felt loved as a child by the biological mother. I was looking at photos with me on her lap or beside her and the smiles were so fake and not just that but even the professinal photos the smiles were fake. There was so much pain in my face at times in these photos I can pinpoint why I did’t want to wear sports where for a pagaent because covering my body was more important than people seeing my half naked body. I still to this day never wear a bathing suit, I don’t swim, I don’t wear shorts because of what her husband did to me it made me ashamed of my body! When I was growing up I had negative thoughts about the biological mother and her husband at that time. I can’t count how many times I was punished for those thoughts. I can’t count how many times the biological mother would slap me in my face and many times bust my lip. The biological mother and my stepfather were both abusive to me.

I remember a time where just about every argument the biological mother and stepfather had I was brought up in it! I was blamed for so much as a child it wasn’t even funny! Neither should have been parents the way I look at it! I remember a time that the biological mother left to go to the grocery store if I remember correctly and me and my sister Jaime which at the time she was little. But I didn’t want my stepfather fondling & groping me and he got mad and punished me to my bedroom and told me I couldn’t come out! Well I lashed out while my bedroom door was shut that he wasn’t my father and I hated him and he come back in there and I was in shorts, short sleeve shirt, no socks, no shoes and made me stand on the front steps of our home on McCurdy Road in Florence, S.C. and it was COLD OUTSIDE! I was out there a while until the biological mother came home and pulled in and saw me!! Truthfully DSS should have been called on them both looking back on it I wish I had told someone but they both put that fear in me about talking about what goes on in your house stays in your house!

All my life I felt like I never fit into the family I was what I called the ODD BALL everyone else had a FATHER mine was taken from me by the biological mother! I can’t understand people that intentionally remove a parent because of how the other parent feels towards others! The biological mother took me 1500 miles away from my father yep you read that right she made sure he didn’t know anything! She messed up my name and even after she did the name change she never allowed me to use the correct name she changed when I was 8-months old.

I know I will get feedback that none of this ever happened because that is how the hypocrite is she fronts to your face and plays victim and calls people liars but not everyone can be a liar at this point! I mean it really is time to OWN what you have done to your children not the one living off of you either I mean ME, Jason, Jaime and David we are all entitled to a apology but I can’t ever say I would take it because I know how you work. Your apologize are fake just like she is going to church fronting acting like she is a true christian SMDH! Listen I can’t count how many times she has used so many churches to benefit them helping pay her light bill, water bill, groceries, clothing, etc. There are so many people more deserving of help rather than these liars.

You know I have been debating on whether I wanted to talk about this mess again but in reality it needs to be told because that is what is wrong with the world now people sweep things under a rug and act as though nothing ever happened and I refuse to do that anymore! I was always told it’s between me and Jimmy about him sexually abusing me and the biological mother always saying we don’t talk about that because Mechelle you know you told a LIE on Jimmy?!! What LIE did I tell? Its the same thing I have been saying the whole time you just choose not to listen to what happen because then you would actually have to be a mother and defend your child or children from a child predator!! This is so sad because at the end of the day you always choose the predator over your children! I say children very lightly because Me and Jason were the first victims of the assaults from her husband and later on down the road he would end up sexually assaulting own daughter! Mind you all of this could have been stopped when I was a child when I told!!

Now onto the child that she never wanted and wished she had never had. You got it right that would be me that she has stated time and time again that she wished so many times she had never had me and just had my brothers and things would have been so much nicer that is so freaking funny she would even say something like that is crazy. She thinks it bothers me no honey it doesn’t at all. I grew up all my life never feeling loved or wanted by the biological mother who lied repeatedly to me from a small child to an adult. I could never tell my children that they were never wanted nor loved! So many times the biological mother and her husband would mentally and physically abuse me! I always felt like I never did anything right. Growing up I struggled with a learning disability and neither made life easy for me at all. One tried to be a school teacher and throw herself into helping other peoples children but not her own. Now did she sign papers at the school when they told her I had a learning issue yes she did but why would she not because then DSS would investigate her then had she refused to get me the help. So many times I wished I had told my 3rd grade teacher that was one I trusted what was going on and the abuse I was going through. That same 3rd grade teacher I kept in contact over the years and we talked and I told her what was going and had wished I had told her so many times. She use to tell me “Baby I would have gotten you out of them had you come and told me!” Ms. Sellers she truly was the only teacher I ever trusted and connected with.

Imagine being told all the time no one loves you, no one wanted you, your father left because he had a insight to what you would be like, your father didn’t leave because of the biological mother he left because of ME, Your father died in a plane crash, You can’t have those shoes because she would have to explain why I needed a pair of shoes but my sister Jaime it was never questioned but me and Jason it was, I wasn’t allowed to have people of color as friends because both my biological mother and her husband were extremely racist people, GOD FOR BID Jimmy ever helped me with school work I was called STUPID so many times I literally had no self confidence in who I was.

Not only did I always beg God to help me find my real mother I use to wish I could grow up faster so I didn’t have to be sexually, mentally and physically abused by either one of them. No the biological mother never sexually abused me but she allowed it to continue to happen to me! I wanted to make that clear since she is in denial. Imagine being a child and living with a narcissist mother that when you would go to school you never knew what you would come home to with her. There were so many times she would get mad if the dresser drawers weren’t inline perfectly and she would take every drawer out and dump it in the middle of the bedroom floor and you would have to fold each thing the way she wanted it or she would dump it out again until it was right! She did this to me and Jason we endured her abuse daily. I tell you how selfish she was we moved out of a small single wide when I was around 8-9 years old into a brand new 5 bedroom double wide that had a living room, dining room, den room. Now she bought furniture from Rainwater Furniture at that time and put it in the living room and mind you it was ugly as SHIT! None of use were allowed to sit on that furniture unless it was a special occasion and that could be my birthday me looking like a geek in photos which I will be posting those photos later on this weekend to this blog post. I’m on my new Mac Air and those photos will have to be transferred to my Mac Air. Just keep your eyes out for them.

Having a naracisst for a mother was extremely tough growing up! I know she will want to post her side and I’m welcoming her to comment because the comment section will be open. But she will say oh I put her in brownies, Girl Scout, pageants, clothing, food, etc… She will say I never did without but I was dearly reminded all the time of what it cost them and what a problem I was! I was always called a LIAR nothing I ever said was true to hear it from the biological mother and her husband Jimmy. These same people would have arguments about him going to the bars and having affairs and some how I was always part of their arguments my name would be brought up that I wasn’t his child to be supporting! When you hear someone say you need to find your father because I’m your father does something to a child! Between him sexually abusing, mentally and physically abusing me it changed my life as a child!

Onto the next thing no I don’t have any feelings for the biological mother and never will! How could any child or adult ever forgive someone like this? I believe would have done better if she had given me up for adoption maybe I would have had a better chance in life than the one she gave me. I noticed every chance her douchenozzle got to posts on social media she said her mother wished she had never had me, should have given me away, etc… You think those words hurts me but they really don’t it just shows the type of mother you were and still are. If things are going with your narrative then you do whatever you can to hurt others that has always been something you have done this is nothing new and please don’t come at me with your 50+ friends because they were even blinded by what you have done behind closed doors. Like I have said in previous blog posts no one knows what goes on behind closed doors! Because she was lying to some of them not to mention a few knew her husband was cheating on her and saw the fights going on and seeing a telephone hanging out the dine window because Jimmy threw it through it yes I have a photo I plan on posting where the window was taped up! I had a metal flash light that was thrown at me while I was washing dishes and had I not moved it would have hit me but when I moved it hit the fridge and put a dent in the door. I and my brother were punished to walk on those plastic runner that had the spike side on them, We were made to walk on that if we were in her PRECIOUS LIVING ROOM that we weren’t allowed to be in! My brother and I were punished with a bar of soap in our mouths because she always called us LIARS it never did us good because even being honest we were punished with biting down on a bar of soap!! I literally wish so many times I could return that same behavior to her so she could see the abuse she did!

My thoughts for this post is I hope she ends up in a nursing home and I hope they treat her horribly I wouldn’t even care because I would look at it as instant karma she deserves whatever they give her at this point. If she doesn’t end up in a nursing home and her douchenozzle and grandson are the ones over her care taking then I hope they leave her laying in her own mess and don’t take care of her because she deserves whatever she gets! People that do others the way this person did me, my brother and sister she should get karma whether its present or future as they said karma has no limits or time frame. I have to also add this isn’t a threat this is WISHFUL THINKING and there is no crime in that I have checked with LAW Enforcement. At the end of the day I’m sick of the biological mother saying PRAYER FOR THEM like what? She literally acts like she is a straight Christian when in fact she approves of her grandson or whoever hint hint took that boys life. People that are TRUE CHRISTIANS don’t sit and post the nonsense she does and hating on others. I never proclaimed to be a devout christian do I believe in the good Lord YES do I walk and talk by the Bible NO and never will! I send prayers to people that are asking for it but I don’t go in and post a Facebook post with hate and bashing on others and then play the Christian Hypocrite like she does! Doesn’t the Bible state about Gluttony? Proverbs 23:20-21, Philippians 3:19, Deuteronomy 21:20, 1st Corinthians 6:19-20 so if you are a Bible Thumper you will know exactly what these are.

Lastly my final thoughts for this posts if people would stop with their BS 99.9% of this would stop but these people love the drama they have always been like that it doesn’t just happen with me and my family they do other people like that as well. According to her I have so many enemies its unreal but the only ones I have are the biological mother & her family, The woman that murdered my sister and the two faced childhood friend I had that I run into at the Florence Flea Market last weekend but she even knew better than to run her mouth why because I told on her about her checking on her husband and he was to stupid to realize he was being played by her. But hey she doesn’t scare me and neither does the biological mother and her doushenozzle daughter. It’s funny these people think I’m scared and run to the cops nope there is only so much the legal system does and at this point I’m in my legal rights. Well stay tuned for the next part I have a lady that is wanting to publish my story.